When is Aggression Healthy? Healthy Aggression .. is it a tautology? I think we have somehow absorbed this perception – that sits at the back of our consciousness – that now that we are on the path of nervous system regulation and psychosomatic education – that we will just no longer get angry or frustrated. But that’s like saying – we will no longer have our limits tested or our boundaries pushed, which means that we are all living in caves on our own and not interacting with anyone! Which brings me back to my point… when we notice that we are angry, cross or frustrated? What is that experience like, in us? Loud voice, gritty teeth, tears, heat, body tension? It can feel like it comes out of nowhere..but it doesn’t. It is a slow erosion of our limits, a rupture of our boundary or a transgression of our edge. And yet, when we have taken the time, to go slow enough – to notice ourselves and to check-in with ‘how are we’ occasionally, throughout the day.. We may perceive these edges fraying, of becoming more and more ‘out of ourselves’ and more and more ‘allowing’ of our container to be squashed or diminished. If we are attentive enough ( and boy, I just need to put my hand up here and say – This doesn’t always happen in our house!) we may recognise that we need to re-group, have a hydration break, sit on the loo, go for a walk and feel ourselves again. So that when we encounter the other, we can just be clear and firm, and energised and express our NO! That’s enough! WITH CONNECTION. Because we are in CONNECTION with ourselves and therefore, we can be in connection with the other. Some time last year, we had an amazingly enlightening group supervision discussion, where the question arose around this word AGGRESSION. The summary was that aggression itself is necessarily healthy. Therefore it is a tautology to say ‘healthy aggression’ we can just say: aggression. Even hearing this creates a little internal stirring and need reconfigure years of bad-press around this word. In short: Connection + Power = Aggression ( which is necessarily healthy), as opposed to Just Power = Violence The rage, the violence comes when we lose the connection with ourselves, when all we feel is the sympathetic activation of the fight, this is when it can be dangerous or harmful. The etymology of the word aggression is advancing, approaching, addressing, to go toward. It expresses a desire for connection, the energy to move toward something or someone. Aggression is this paradoxical embrace of power & connection. In order to communicate our needs, we require both the impulse to communicate ie, a desire for contact AND the power of impulse to express ourselves. Examples of (Healthy) Aggression might be “I didn’t like it when you said or did that” “I want to be with you, but I don’t want you to talk with me like that”… It is this impulse to restore what was broken or transgressed. I want to restore my dignity and I need to maintain my power to go toward you and to repair. Losing (Healthy) Aggression. We can lose contact or we can lose the impulse. When we lose connection, we are just in activation; just in fight mode. When we are feeling invaded by others or invading other’s space, we are all power and no connection. I may lose – or I give up this connection so that I don’t lose the impulse to express my own need. This is violence. It is a survival mechanism to ‘choose’ one of these: ( either power or connection). It is a way to survive and not to collapse. It is not a voluntary choice. It is instinctual. AND When we lose power; we are only with connection, then we go into submission; appeasement and collapse. I break my power so that I don’t break contact with the other. This is also an instinctive act of survival. …..but if i lose my inner connection ( my connection with what is sacred to me), ironically, I still don’t have contact. If don’t have contact with my own inner needs and experiences, I cannot truly be in connection with others and so this is a kind of disassociation. We establish contact but we lose real connection. TRAUMA is the rupture of connection. Healthy Aggression can help to restore and repair this rupture. When we ‘practise’ SE, we explore experiencing this physical power and impulse whilst staying in connection with our own internal experience, our sensations, our emotions, our imagery or the other person in the room. In this way we expand our capacity to stay with both our power and our presence. I hope this provides food for thought. Feel free to get in touch, if you’d like to explore this theme more.
Somatic Education
Wanting it to be Different – how oscillation can help us
“I just want this to go away”. ” I feel stuck and I don’t know what to do” How often do we feel this or hear ourselves saying this? In this blog, I am going to introduce the practical tool of oscillation and how this could help us when we find ourselves in that push-pull of really wanting something to be different than it is. Getting rid of can take many forms. An impulse of pushing or shoving away is a defense response. It is simply our first line of defense. If a poisonous insect lands on me, I want it out of my space. I want to remove the threat. It is appropriate and healthy to push away what is trying to harm me. Our inner experiences are more complex, they may be tied to our beliefs, our memories, our emotions, or our identity. We’ve probably all tried things like – avoidance, distraction, creating a bigger counter emotion, or a bigger sensation that cuts through and brings us back to the here and now. We may have some somatic tools that help us to down-regulate ( movement, focussing on the breath, connecting with resources) Really being FREE of something may require a different approach. Most of us were never taught how to be with something that is hard. We were taught to make it stop. To move on. To fix it. But what if the discomfort isn’t something broken or at fault, What if it is simply an expression of the body – as it is – right now? Compassionate somatic work can help people find a different way: a way of attention. But, we don’t just ‘notice it’, otherwise it might overcome us or overwhelm us. Instead, we oscillate our attention. This helps us to attend to it in a titrated way ( ie: drop by drop, at a pace that our system can handle). Some folks can give full presence to a sensation for 10 whole minutes, whilst others find that 10 seconds is enough. This practical technique of oscillation is a recognisable tool in Somatic Experiencing sessions. We practise the practice of moving our attention quite literally from one location to another location within the physical body. Firstly, Let’s locate the experience that we actually want to get rid of. when we encounter a feeling ( emotion ) or sensation ( felt-sense) that we don’t like, within the body? It might be a strong sensation or physical pain, it might just be a sense of something that is ‘too much’ and we don’t know what to do. In this practice we take our attention from a place of greater activation ( a pain, a challenging sensation, a big emotion) to a place of less activation ( easier breath, more space, more a benign or pleasant sensation). We move back and forth a few times. What I like about this invitation to move to and fro, is the choice. We can be here and then there. There is no success or failure in staying with an intense experience. We don’t need to push away or pull towards. We touch it with our attention, sense the edge of it, say hello, know it’s there and then move away to somewhere else – with a different viewpoint, a different flavour. After moving our attention back and forth a few times, we let go of all ‘technique’. Rest and give space for whatever wants to move – usually this spontaneous movement is what leads to a discharge ( yawn. shake, heat, tremble, a movement of emotion, a bigger breath) We may notice that our original experience has changed in quality or intensity or urgency. When we oscillate – move our attention back and forth – we are leaning into the rhythmic flow of life, a flow that mirrors our inherent pulse of aliveness.
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Being our own expert
~ Working from a perspective of wholeness ~ Humans are fundamental rhythmic beings who have the capacity to self-regulate, organise and heal themselves. – Dr Pedro Prado, pioneer of psychosomatics and fellow of SE teaching faculty in Latin America Recently, I listened to a very thought provoking podcast by a Doctor Suzanne O’sullivan who has written a book called The age of diagnosis: sickness, health and why medicine has gone too far ( link to podcast at the end). Before we get going here, I want to be explicit: I am by no means implying that a medical diagnosis for infection, disease or disorders is not ESSENTIAL in terms of getting timely and correct treatment. Swift diagnosis is key here. Diagnosis – is about finding an answer, we get an answer from someone with more expertise than us, we find a solution, we get the treatment, it’s done, we move on. This conversation prompted a wider reflection, in me, on our desire and willingness to seek solutions and answers from outside ourselves. Culturally, we are awash with experts offering their ‘expert advice’ to us – especially in the Media/ Socialmedia who are able to solve our problems or difficulties with 5 easy steps… AND what if there isn’t an end point of ‘better’? What if our life experience is just a work in progress, messy and incomplete? What if, what we are seeking is not a thing that is ‘finished’ and ‘done’ but more about creating some stability and more capacity for compassion in order to contain and hold this flow and swirl of being alive? I was pondering why this conversation about diagnosis resonated so. Diagnosis is about seeking answers outside of ourselves, identifying something that is wrong and the focus being on treating the illness and the condition and not the person. When I was in my mid-20’s I chose a path of exploration, learning & teaching, which had its roots in the traditional Ayurvedic and spiritual practices of Yoga and traditional Thai massage and more recently in Zero Balancing touch. All these approaches are non-diagnostic. There is nothing to find that is ‘wrong’. We acknowledge the entirety of the system. We work with the whole from the whole.. we attune to and support the inherent bodywisdom; the natural rhythmic impulse to return to cohesion and to locate homeostasis. Why are we so ready to hand over responsibility for our well-being to someone else? This is a familiar scenario: We go for a massage, we get off the couch. We ask: how did I feel? We want the therapist to notice us, to sense something hidden or inaccessible and then ‘sort it out’… a bit like going to the chemist for a pill, but just more touchy-feely! I’ve done this ( as both client and therapist) we’ve most likely all done this. But isn’t it more interesting to be offered the response: ” I don’t know, how DO YOU feel? What do YOU notice happening right now?” How can I assume to know what it is like to be in your body? Instead, how can we assist the client to find a way and a language to notice how their own body feels. This skill is called: INTEROCEPTION (more about this another time) Developing interoception is an empowering foundation for self-healing. If we don’t know how we feel we can’t make appropriate choices. What if we can become our own guides? ( not in an isolated way – it is healthy to lean into the support that is around us, from our own spiritual faith, practice, community, our mentors or teachers ) What if we could become better experiencers and responders? How would it be to connect to something that is not known nor cognitively understood? I think this is why I was really drawn into the approach of Somatic Experiencing, it’s a continuation of this whole-person approach. Trusting in the natural capacity of the system to heal itself, it generates an approach to life, of noticing with great curiosity and attention, and without judgement; essentially, Loving Kindness in action. It is this kind inquiry that increases our capacity to hold seeming contradictions, to make more space for this AND that…. I am not talking about just an ‘open house’ policy where anything goes! We are also developing a capacity to choose where we put our attention and our actions. Developing practical tools to consciously choose to attend to the tiniest amount of what is good/helpful/ enriching/ supportive – in the face of – chronic pain or emotional distress. Is a fantastically helpful first aid tool for trauma recovery. Our daily experience is not an “either, or” – it can be both. We are not AIMING to never feel dysregulated again, never to feel triggered or upset or overwhelmed, but when we do, we can right ourselves more swiftly, like a boat that capsizes but that always returns to upright.. bobbing on the waves. Dr Suzanne O’sullivan – the book is called: The Age of diagnosis: sickness, health and why medicine has gone too far. The link is to Dr Rangan Chatterjee’s podcast. https://open.spotify.com/episode/650rviBXKWiEn84DvSHyPc?si=jYsK9-4ASj6dfElBjyPiyw
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Becoming Trauma Informed 1.1
Becoming Trauma Informed: De-pathologizing trauma responses. Your trauma response is perfectly natural. Difficult, challenging, at times painful and overwhelming, but natural. I’ve been wanting to write this for a long time and create some precision around the language used about trauma recovery. Clarifying our language use, will impact upon our understanding and our expectations and our discernment about which trauma recovery, so that we can ALL become – trauma informed. Pretty much since the pandemic, dialogue and understanding about the different kinds of tension that people carry in their bodies is more common parlance, and has been normalised in some way. By this I mean discerning between pure physical tension due to hard work or a structural mis-alignment and tension that has its roots in a pattern that is stuck within our nervous system. Our dialogue about how the nervous system works has expanded exponentially. We know that trauma can be with a big T… a life threatening situation or event and, that little t-traumas ( accumulations of interrupted and neglected nervous system responses) can also be very impactful on our capacity to live life in the present with full vitality and capacity. The bottom line is: trauma is NOT in the event – it is in the system. Tension remains, in the body, as an incomplete defense response ( after the initial threat or danger has passed). In these instances, let’s remember that the nervous system is doing an AMAZING job, working overtime, to find it’s best way back to a state of equilibrium There is nothing wrong with you! Instead of it using the term PTSD: post traumatic stress disorder. Dr Peter Levine ( founder of Somatic Experiencing Method) prefers to refer to the symptoms as a Post Traumatic Stress RESPONSE. A ‘diagnosis’ where the symptoms are to be expected; if the defense response – required at the moment of the acute crisis or stress – was not able to be completed or executed – for whatever reason- then we are still playing out this RESPONSE. Cognitively, we know we are safe, but our body ( our nervous system) hasn’t been able to catch up, because the record is stuck. By changing DISORDER to RESPONSE. What happens, in our perception, in our bodies, in our internal dialogue? Try saying: I have a disorder… Where does your mind go? What stories do you tell yourself? Now try saying: I am responding in the best way that I know how. I would like to learn how to respond differently.….. What do you notice? In Somatic Experiencing practice and in other body-based somatic models of trauma healing; there is nothing to be fixed, there are “No Bad Parts” * We create sufficient stability in the body system and within our co-created container ( us and the practitioner) that ALL experiences can be welcomed. It is in the hosting of these previously hidden or neglected parts – where the healing gold is kept! Once we host then we are in position to re-negotiate and to integrate all the energy that is stuck in this repeated nervous system pattern and make it available for living with more choice. * Dick Schwarzt. Internal Family Systems This is one of the many reasons why I return to this Rumi poem again and again: “This being human is a guest house.Every morning a new arrival. A joy, a depression, a meanness,some momentary awareness comesas an unexpected visitor. Welcome and entertain them all!Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,who violently sweep your houseempty of its furniture,still, treat each guest honorably.He may be clearing you outfor some new delight”
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What does Somatic Mean?
Welcome to my first blog post. Let’s begin at the beginning. So you are here, looking at a website about Somatic Work, Somatic Experiencing, Somatic Movement and Bodywork. It’s everywhere, this word “somatic” ( when I used to talk about Somatic work in 2018, no one had a clue what we were talking about!), but what does SOMATIC actually mean?! ……. ….In other words: What is it actually like to have a body, to inhabit this body, to live my life through the experience of MY body? This could be as simple as noticing the heat of a hot drink as it travels down your throat. Or, acknowledging that you feel tight-chested and a bit sad when you wave goodbye to your best friend at the airport. Or, sensing that you feel less tension in your shoulders and have more room to breathe now that you’ve moved places on the train and are sitting next to the window. Being in tune with and consciously noticing ourselves; this is called Interoception.. (More on this to come….) This can help us to notice our likes or dislikes and assist us to take care of our own needs, as best we can, in any given moment. This is not to say that we can ALWAYS respond with such attunement ( sometimes, overriding is an adult necessity, but being conscious that we are doing so, can really help us bounce back to a comfortable base-line). SOMA is the Greek word for the living body. Not the anatomical one that gets treated at the Doctors or in anatomy books. When you are somatic, you are experiencing what it’s like to be you from the inside out. Being somatic – is about being fully present to yourself in the moment. Consider how our language separates us from ourselves. How often do you refer to yourself in the 3rd person? The English language enables us to talk about the body, as a separate entity. “My leg hurts, IT hurts”. “ One feels nervous about speaking in public” “You know how you can feel really sad when you have to say goodbye..” What is it like to reclaim your experience and express yourself in the first person? Using ‘me’ or ’ I ‘ “I am hurt, I bashed my leg” “ I feel nervous when I speak in front of others” “I feel sad when we say goodbye” If you like, let’s try something now. It’ll take 1-3 minutes. Slow down. Let’s invite ourselves to take some time. What happens when you really pay attention to the small details of being in THIS moment in time? Give attention to the world through all of your senses: What can you hear? What sound is the closest to you and then the furthest sound audible? What do you notice happening when you listen? Let your fingers stray and find something they like to touch, what happens in your body when you touch this? Give your head, neck and eyes permission to move ~ and follow them as if following a curious child. See what your body sees? Does anything change inside your body? How does this make you feel? Then notice yourself. See yourself here. Look at your hands, your arms, your legs, your feet. Feel where your body contacts the support of the ground or chair or wall around you. What happens when you slow down & follow the weight of your body? To finish: move your hands and feet, stretch your mouth, swallow, maybe get up and walk around. How do you feel overall?
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